10 Ways to Practice Self-Care as a Parent
Self-care as a parent may seem selfish. That is not true. Looking after yourself can help you give your best to your child.
Here is a great article, explaining how your own self-care can benefit your child.
By looking after yourself you will be showing your children how to do the same. As your children grow and develop, they will learn more from what you show them, than what you tell them. You can teach them by daily example, how to prioritise their own wellness.
Let’s explore some practical ways that we can care for ourselves, in the midst of our full schedules and chaotic lives.
1. Declutter your home
Our environment impacts our mental health. Messy spaces increase the feeling of stress and anxiety, whereas tidy spaces can calm us down. This is explained more thoroughly in this article, by Very Well Mind. (Lindberg, 2023)
With craft projects, toys and little treasures collected along the way, your house can soon fill up past capacity. Constantly looking for a better way to organise our homes to fit our little ones’ treasures can be stressful.
Decluttering your whole home at once may seem overwhelming. Instead, try to make a habit of throwing away anything you find, that you will probably not use again. Occasionally ask your children to choose one thing that they no longer need. As they pare down their belongings, they can learn to value and look after what they have left.
2. Eat to feel good
When life is busy your diet can be one of the first things to suffer. It is easy to gravitate to unhealthier foods that are convenient. Sugar and caffeine can become staples, as you battle sleep deprivation.
Eating well can have a huge impact on your mood and energy levels. Recent research shows that what you eat affects what kind of bacteria lives in your gut. The bacteria in your gut play a big role in both your physical and mental health. (Harvard Health Publishing, 2023)
You don’t have to spend hours cooking to prepare nutritious food. Frozen fruit and vegetables are great, when you don’t have time to peel or chop. A meal plan can help you be more intentional about what you eat. As well as including foods that nourish your body, find healthy dishes that you enjoy. You work hard and deserve good food.
Here are some easy to fix recipes that will leave you feeling great!
3. Sleep when you can
Sleep deprivation is hard. Lack of sleep can hurt both your physical and mental health. (Mental Health Foundation, 2011)
Unfortunately, it doesn’t end when your child starts sleeping through the night. Late night chores, insomnia, bedwetting, and those children that always wake up at 5am, can all impact how much sleep you get.
Many of these things you can’t control. However, there are things that you can do to prioritise sleep and get more rest.
Leaving your phone outside your room means you won’t be tempted to stay awake browsing social media. Sleep meditations can help you quiet your mind. For older children who rise early, a box of quiet morning activities could keep them occupied, and let you sleep longer.
On days when nothing works, remember one day our children will become teenagers, and hopefully, love to sleep as much as we do.
4. Keep things simple
The internet is a great resource for extravagant recipes and DIY instructions. There is an endless number of projects that you could embark on.
Please remember, just because you could do 1,000 things, you don’t have to. My rule now, is stop, when it stops being fun. Unfortunately, this is only a rule for things that I am doing in the name of fun, and not applicable to housework. It is more important for you as a parent to take care of yourself, than it is to rebrand as Wonder Woman.
If you are short on patience, time, or energy there is no shame in buying a ready-made birthday cake, or grabbing pizzas from the freezer for a play date. Children can have lots of fun with colouring, or a board game. They do not need to make a replica of the Titanic out of toilet roll inserts and empty yoghurt pots.
At the end of the day, the memories that you will be making with them will be happier, if you are happier. Do not be ashamed to simplify.
5. Use social media with care
It isn’t hard to find a picture-perfect parent on social media. Those influencers who always look happy, rested, and calm. Their children are smiling in every video, with clean clothes and immaculate homes in the background.
When these posts come into your feed, it can make you feel small and inadequate. Subconsciously you may find yourself comparing your difficult reality to the dream being portrayed on your screen.
It is important to remember that social media is not real. If it is not staged, then it is at best, a heavily edited version of the lives that the influencers are living.
Parenting is messy and difficult. Even the most grounded children struggle with big feelings. Every good parent has had bad days.
If anyone’s posts make you feel bad, unfollow them. Instead, follow people who inspire you, make you laugh or encourage you.
6. Self-care as a parent in the mornings
I do not naturally love mornings. I often wake up groggy, and still tired, unlike my children who wake up in ‘go’ mode. If my children are up first I will probably get bounced on and peppered with questions before I have remembered I am meant to be kind.
I have learnt that if you want to practise self-care in the morning, it helps to set your alarm for earlier and be the first one up. This can be tricky if you have a family of early risers, but it is worth it.
Of course, we are balancing this with the need for more sleep. This might not work for every family.
If you are able, however, take the time for you. Meditate, do a short yoga video, plan your day, whisper affirmations to yourself in the bathroom mirror, or just sit with a cup of hot coffee and browse silly videos.
Having that time will help you feel one step ahead. If you are lucky, the calm that you have found in those moments will help set the mood for the rest of the family.
7. Create a support system
As families are becoming more spread out, and the retirement age is slowly creeping higher, there is often less support for young families from grandparents.
If you do not have a natural support system, could you create one? Reach out to other parents in the same situation, and see if you can help each other out.
It doesn’t have to be babysitting. Little things, like sharing lifts to clubs, can be a great help. As well as lessening the burden, by collaborating with other parents you will feel less alone. Also, having adults that you trust, and with whom your children are comfortable is incredibly useful for emergencies.
8. The 5-minute rule- Self care for parents when it all goes wrong
This is a rule that I have for my children, but it works for grown-ups too. Life is hard. Sometimes, the best self-care that we can give ourselves as a parent is having time to not be okay. Of course, we can’t afford hours to sit in bed eating ice cream, feeling sorry for ourselves. This is where the five-minute rule comes in.
When you feel you need it, take five minutes to just feel what you are feeling.
The rules for my children during this time, are you do not break anything, don’t do anything that would hurt yourself or someone else, and don’t say anything unkind.
I have the same rules for myself, although I added a few. During my five minutes, I am not allowed to text, or do any online shopping. I also stay away from sugar and alcohol.
After five minutes, take a big breath, decide what you need to do to move on, and do it.
Remember, this too shall pass.
9. Connect with adults
Our little people are wonderful but don’t forget to fill your world with grown-ups too. Healthy relationships are imperative for your well-being. (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023)
Spending time with other parents can be a brilliant antidote to social media, reminding you that other people are fighting the same battles you are.
Also, spending time with non-parents can remind you of your interests outside of parenting.
10. Find the things that make you smile
Identify the things that energize you, or make you smile. The days go quickly, and there is lots to do, but make time for what you love.
Do you enjoy crafting? Set an evening aside every week to craft. If you are a runner, could you run the long way home, after the school drop off?
If you are not sure what would work for you, do a little experimenting. Try a few activities and see how you feel after each one.
Aim to make a moment every day that brings you joy.
A final note
These are just a few ideas of ways to prioritize self-care as parents.
It is you that your children will look to when life gets stormy. As their place of calm and stability, you are worth looking after. As a human-being you are worth looking after.
What can you do today to begin to take care of yourself? You are well practised at noticing child’s needs and meeting them. Realise your own needs. How can you meet them?
I wish you all the peace,
Hannah
References
Casares, Whitney. “Importance of Self-Care: Why Parents Need Time out to Recharge.” HealthyChildren.org, www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Importance-of-Self-Care.aspx.
Harvard Health Publishing. “The Gut-Brain Connection.” Harvard Health, Harvard Health, 18 July 2023, www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/the-gut-brain-connection. Accessed 3 Dec. 2024.
“Healthy Family Meals.” BBC Food, www.bbc.co.uk/food/collections/healthy_family_food.
Lindberg, Sara. “How Your Environment Affects Your Mental Health.” Verywell Mind, 23 Mar. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/how-your-environment-affects-your-mental-health-5093687. Accessed 3 Dec. 2024.
Lipkin, Nicole. “The Importance of Parental Mental Health When It Comes to Our Children.” Forbes, 11 July 2023, www.forbes.com/sites/nicolelipkin/2023/07/11/the-importance-of-parental-mental-health-when-it-comes-to-our-children/. Accessed 3 Dec. 2024.
Mental Health Foundation. “Sleep Matters: The Impact of Sleep on Health and Wellbeing.” Www.mentalhealth.org.uk, 2011, www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/publications/sleep-matters-impact-sleep-health-and-wellbeing. Accessed 3 Dec. 2024.
News, Neuroscience. “Why Household Mess Triggers Stress and Anxiety.” Neuroscience News, 4 Sept. 2023, neurosciencenews.com/anxiety-stress-messy-home-23874/. Accessed 3 Dec. 2024.
NSPCC. “Parental Mental Health Problems.” NSPCC Learning, 2021, learning.nspcc.org.uk/children-and-families-at-risk/parental-mental-health-problems#skip-to-content. Accessed 3 Dec. 2024.
Pezirkianidis, Christos, et al. “Adult Friendship and Wellbeing: A Systematic Review with Practical Implications.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 14, no. 14, 24 Jan. 2023, doi.org/10.3389%2Ffpsyg.2023.1059057, https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1059057.
Schwartz LMFT, David. “The Importance of Self-Care for Parents.” Psychology Today, 2021, www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/adolescents-explained/202107/the-importance-of-self-care-for-parents. Accessed 3 Dec. 2024.