5 Ways to Overcome School Avoidance

Many parents struggle to overcome school avoidance. If it is a battle right now, you are not alone.

The fact that it is a common issue is, sadly, a small consolation when school drop-off is in five minutes and your child refuses to put on their shoes.

Today we will look at some proactive ways that you can work with your child who fights going to school school.

Why children avoid school

Although it looks like defiance, school avoidance is usually a result of anxiety. The cause of the anxiety will vary from child to child, so when overcoming school avoidance it helps to try and work out is upsetting them.

The causes of school-related anxiety could be related to personality clashes with other students or with staff. Perhaps they feel out of depth with the work, or the work is too easy for them. Classrooms are noisy places which some little ones find overwhelming. Separation anxiety can be a factor also.

When you understand the root cause of the issue, you will be in a stronger place to find solutions. Remember, like us, some children may not understand how they feel. Be patient if you don’t get an answer right away. Try talking about different parts of the day, or different aspects of school and help them to explore their emotions.

5 Ways to overcome school avoidance

As we have just discussed, there are different reasons why children may avoid school. Not every one of these solutions will work for every situation. Hopefully one or two will make things a little easier for you.

1. Implement before-school and after-school routines to ground your child

Routines can be grounding and comforting to children, as well as to adults. If they are struggling , adding some structure to the lead up to school can be beneficial.

I would avoid using the screen before school as it can be hard to pull your little one away from it.

It can help to have a buffer between changing into their uniform and walking out the door, so they have a few moments to themselves. You could use these to read to them, let them do some colouring or have a snack.

When they get home, make sure that there are a few moments to decompress. Perhaps set out a few favourite toys and another snack. These moments can help your child to navigate the day and feel a little bit more secure.

2. Ask your teacher to make a visual timetable for your child

School days can be busy, and you little one might feel a little lost in all the going on around them.

Having a visual timetable can help them know what is going to happen throughout the day. This can increase there feeling of security.

Of course things change, and so it is important that your little one knows that these are just things that will probably happen. Reassure them that if things they will be okay.

3. Help them mentally reframe school

It is common for children who are anxious to spend time thinking about their fears or worries. Adults do it too. Although it is a natural response, it can increase fear and anxiety as all of the focus is on the negative.

A simple way to pull them out of this is to help them actively look for positive things about school.

Set them a challenge. Ask them to pay attention throughout the day. Ask them to come home ready to tell you one of the following:

• Something they enjoyed
• Something interesting that they learnt
• Something they did kind
• Something someone else did kind
• Something they are proud of

They receive a point for everything good that they can tell you at the end of the day. 50 points earns a prize. You might want to limit them to 3 things per day, to ensure that they are really noticing and paying attention to what they are saying.

Make sure that they know they can still talk about things that they found sad, scary or hard. It is important to talk about those things too. This is just about balancing the picture a little and helping them see the good things that happen at school.

3. Role play to help them manage situations

If your child is struggling with relationships at school, take some time to role play conversations at home. School exposes children to lots of new personalities and situations. Having ideas of what they can do to navigate them can help them feel equipped and more confident going into the day.

This may mean teaching them how to speak up for themselves or resolve conflict. Sometimes it may be teaching them how to walk away and keep their peace.

It is worth noting that it isn’t always other children that they will struggle with. Sometimes teachers can have very different personalities to the caregivers children have grown up with. Helping them to respectfully ask for help, or explain when things are difficult, can be a great help.

4. Give them a connection point

We are our children’s safe place. When we aren’t there to run to it can be scary. Sometimes a little token can help them feel connected to us throughout the day.

It doesn’t have to be something big. You could make a friendship bracelet to remind them that you are always in their corner. Maybe draw a dot on both of your fingers and tell them to press it when they miss you. Whatever you choose to do, let them know it is a visual sign of the constant truth. You love them, and their connection to you is secure, even if they can’t see you.

5. Calm down meditations

As we discussed before, anxiety is often behind school avoidance. If we overcome their anxiety it will have a big impact.

When their little minds are busy, meditation is a great tool to help them find their peace and quiet their thoughts.

Meditation and mindfulness have been proven to have a positive effect on reducing anxiety and increasing a child’s well-being.

There are mindfulness cards that you can invest in, or guided meditations on YouTube. Teach them how to use mindful breathing to ground themselves throughout the day.

Well-mental has a great video aimed at children

Support for helping children overcome school avoidance

If you have tried everything, but every day is still a battle, there is no shame in asking for help. Working to overcome school avoidance is hard. Teachers or specialised staff at your child’s school are likely to have training that can help.

If you have more than one child, maybe a friend or family would be able to help with the other children’s drop-offs on the messier days.

Many parents will have gone through the same battle, and are likely happy to help.

A final note

When you are trying to overcome school avoidance, it may feel like an uphill battle. It is emotional, exhausting and frustrating. Remember that it will pass. Remember to look after yourself.

References

Garey, Juliann. “The Power of Mindfulness.” Child Mind Institute, Child Mind Institute, 2 Feb. 2016, childmind.org/article/the-power-of-mindfulness/.

Rutherford, Marion, et al. Pupils’ Views on Visual Timetables and Labels in Mainstream Primary Classrooms. 2020.

Wilson, Nina A, et al. “Role of Meditation to Improve Children’s Health: Time to Look at Other Strategies.” Journal of Paediatrics and Child Health, vol. 57, no. 2, 20 Nov. 2020, https://doi.org/10.1111/jpc.15275.

Young Minds. “School Anxiety and Refusal | Parents’ Guide to Support.” YoungMinds, 2024, www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/school-anxiety-and-refusal/. Accessed 19 Feb. 2025.

Twinkl.co.uk, 2022, www.twinkl.co.uk/blog/5-benefits-of-visual-schedules-in-the-classroom.