How to survive the summer holidays is more of a question asked by parents, than by children. For most of our little ones, multiple weeks off school is bliss.

As adults, it can be stressful and chaotic. Of course, you probably love spending time with your little one. In many homes, however, all the grown-ups are working, making childcare difficult. Keeping a house clean with children playing full-time can feel impossible. Some families also find that the lack of structure can make it difficult for children to regulate their emotions. This can mean that they end up making poor choices.

So, if you feel like you survive the summer holidays, rather than relishing them, you are probably not alone. The good news is that there are things that you can do to make these weeks a positive experience all around.

How to survive the summer holidays?

Every family is different. Each family will want something different from the summer holidays. All of these suggestions, therefore, may not work for every household. Pick and choose what ones work for you.

Choose your own adventure

It is wise to be purposeful before the summer break about what you most want from the time off. Are your children tired out and in need of a few weeks’ rest? Has life been a bit samey, and you want to break out and have some adventures?

Perhaps you feel that family time has been too short, and you would like some quality time with the children. Or maybe you have been together a lot, and would like to add some other people into the mix, and plan some social things.

When you know what you want from the holidays, you can take steps to make them work for you.

Teach new skills

The summer is a great time for children to learn a few extra life skills. Often, your chores can be exciting for them as they play at being grown-ups. Let them help in the garden, have a go using the washing machine, or try cooking a meal.

Life skills can empower children and give them a sense of autonomy and independence. This is great for their mental health.

Make a snack shop

Children seem to grow a lot over the summer. This often means that they eat a lot throughout the summer, too. You may feel like every 5 minutes, they are asking for a snack or something to drink.

Rather than constantly trying to ration the snacks, create a snack shop. Give your child some monopoly or fake money each day that they can use to buy snacks. You can print a price list, pricing the more sugary snacks higher, and the healthy ones a little lower. Once the money has gone, they can wait for main meals. In the first few days, they may spend their money quickly, but over time, they will learn to plan and spread out their snacks throughout the day.

Keep a routine

Routines are nobody’s idea of excitement. However, if you want to do more than survive the holidays with your children and have fun, your children need to be happy and healthy.

Routines are beneficial for both children’s mental health and physical health. They help regulate digestion and sleep, as well as keeping your child grounded and giving them a bit of predictability.

You don’t have to structure the whole day. Rather, create pockets of routine for mornings and evenings.

Create a reward system

Children love challenges, and rewarding good behaviour is more effective at encouraging the right choices over the threat of punishment.

An easy way to do this is to set up a reward system where the children earn tokens, credits or stickers for making great choices.

It doesn’t have to be complicated; stickers or smiley faces on a sheet of paper can work. Decide what time frame you are setting. You could do it daily, for the reward of sitting up 20 minutes extra colouring, or as one long challenge that runs the whole holiday. Perhaps if they earn 100 credits, they get a treat day out, or a meal at their favourite restaurant?

Keep it fun and simple. Maybe set challenges for extra credits, such as plan and make a meal, or write a letter to a favourite author. This can help them to stay occupied, too.

Proactively plan for journeys

Audiobooks are a fantastic way to help journeys go faster, and can be a great way to expose your children to more vocabulary and some great stories.

There are a lot of free audiobooks on YouTube. LibriVox is also a fantastic app, with a huge collection of books that are in the public domain.

If you have a long car journey, pack snacks, fidget toys and a pillow so your children can make their own little nook in the back seat.

I-spy books can be a good investment for car journeys, as it encourages your child to look at what is around them, and makes the journey into a game.

Get outside

Fresh air and excercise are incredibly important for childrens mental health. Going outside early in the morning and being exposed to natural light can also help children to regulate their circadian ryhthms and promotes good sleep at night.

Maybe make it a routine that every morning you either go for a walk around the block or play a game of football in the garden.

If you are going for daily walks, it can be a great idea to take litter pickers and bin bags and help clean your local area.

Share Child care

With the best will in the world, 6 weeks of balancing work, house duties and parenting can be a lot. If you have friends with similar ages children consider sharing child care so both parents get a little child-free time to catch up on life, or drink coffee and rewire.

For the children, it will be a bonus play date, and for the parents, it can make a big difference. Often the parent hosting wins too, as another child in the house can mean fewer sibling fights and more happy playing.

Give the children ‘jobs’ if you have one too

Working full-time when your children are at home during the holidays can be difficult. If you are working from home, could your children become your coworkers for a few weeks? Set different tasks, and pay them in tokens. They can then use the tokens to buy extra screen time or snacks.

Tasks could be sitting down ones that they can do sat near you, such as copying a picture from a favourite book or making their own comic. They could also be active, such as tidying their rooms, or helping sort socks.

This, of course, may not be sustainable for every work-from-home day, but if you set it up for a few days, it can make some fun memories.

Try a scavenger hunt

If you want to get out and about but your children aren’t feeling the walking, a scavenger hunt can help keep them happy and motivated. If you are walking in nature, you could ask them to look for something with every colour of the rainbow, or see how many different birds, plants or insects they can spot. Children love toys, so if you have an old camera they can use to take photos of their finds, you will be onto a winner.

For days in cities, you can often buy city scavenger hunts. They will take the children on a specific route through the city, and they have to find information or look for clues to answer the questions. It can be a great way to explore a new place.

Check out the community

Many places host special events over the summer, some for free. There are also a lot of restaurants that will offer free or heavily discounted kids’ meals over the holidays.

Look online for what is on in your area, and get some fun things in the diary. You could invite your kids friends along for a play date, without the need to host

Allow down time

It may be tempting to fill every minute of every day with plans and play dates. Remember, however, to allow a little time for children to get bored. Being bored is actually great for your child’s development. Through it they develop tolerance, creativity and organisational skills.

If your child mopes because of boredom, let them. In time they will pick themselves up and find something to do.

For children who are really struggling, a boredom jar with activity ideas written on slips of paper can help; however, letting your child work it out for themselves is more beneficial.

A final note

It is okay if you find the summer holidays difficult. As well as a change of routine for your children, it is a shake-up for you, with more responsibilities resting in your already full hands.

Most summer holidays include a little bit of crazy, and that is okay. Try to find peace and joy amidst the madness. Be kind to yourself. Keep smiling.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

If you are wondering how to help your child cope with change, you are not alone. When adults face a shake-up of their circumstances, we often struggle. For children, it can be even harder.

Why do children find change difficult?

Before we examine how to help children cope with change, it is worth exploring why children find change so difficult.

Children, like adults, like stability. They thrive on routines and predictability. The things that they know offer a sense of safety and familiarity.

When adults face change, we do so with a greater level of understanding. We know what will be the same and what may be different. There will often be a certain amount of choice and control that we have in the new circumstances.

This is rarely the case for children. They have a limited understanding of the world and the way things work, so they will find it hard to predict what their new circumstances may look like.

Children often have little agency or options to choose. Rather, we carry them to new schools or homes.

Also, emotional development is still in progress. This means that the big feelings that come with saying goodbye to people or places that they love can be harder to process.

What does it look like when a child is struggling with change?

Children who are struggling to cope with change may be overemotional. They might also struggle to sleep or have differences in their appetite. There could also be other symptoms associated with anxiety, such as sickness, headaches or constipation.

Many children will not fully understand what they are feeling, or be able to acknowledge that they are finding the transition difficult. Often, they understand the attitude that we want to see from them. They can mimic that attitude, saying things such as,’ The new school will be exciting,” or ‘I know that I will make new friends’.

This might mean that when you talk to them, rather than talking about the difficulty of the change, they will throw all their big feeling into unrelated situations. The fact that they got the red cup rather than the blue suddenly becomes a huge issue. For this reason, it is important to keep an eye out for changes in behaviour.

How to help you child cope with change

Unfortunately, you cannot make change painless for your child. However much we want to help, adapting and coping with change and transition is something your child has to learn through experience. There are things that you can do, however, to support your child through this process.

Give them something that they can control.

Although you can not give them full control of most situations, offering them a little bit of control can help them feel involved and connected to what is going on.

If they are changing schools, this might mean letting them choose what packed lunches they would like, or choose a new backpack.

If they are moving home, perhaps give them a corner of the new space that they can choose an ornament for or help decorate.

Make the unfamiliar familiar.

A lot of the difficulty that children face will be the fear of the unknown. This is understandable. If you were to start a new job, you would likely be nervous and unsure of what to expect. The difference is that as an adult, you will have a frame of reference and enough experience to be able to predict some of the variables. Although every workplace has a different culture, you likely understand enough of the overriding social rules to know how to behave and how to navigate your first few days.

Children, especially young children, have a lot less life experience. Therefore, the unfamiliar can be more daunting, as they are much less idea what to expect. They may feel unsure of what will be asked of them or how they are meant to behave.

Therefore, anything you can do to help them understand their new enviroment can help. Pin up photos of new houses, or new classrooms. Let them help you research on the internet to find out extra information about what they will face. As you shed a little light on what is to come, it can help ease their anxieties.

Maintain usual routines

Routines may seem drab and boring, but they can provide a sense of comfort and stability to children. When children have pockets of routine in their day, they are more in control of their days, even if the routines are set for them.

As well as being comforting, routines can help children to regulate themselves physically. Often eating and sleeping can be difficult when children are anxious. A solid routine can support digestion and rest.

Make time for fun

A little distraction during stressful times can go a long way towards helping children relax. It is not uncommon for children to overthink changes, and work themselves into an anxious state worrying about what might happen.

Make time for fun activities, which will take their minds off their worries.

If possible choose activities that are physical. As your child moves their body, the chemicals in the brain can change. Physical movement boosts the production of hormones like serotonin which can help your child feel calmer.

Talk about what is happening

Although distraction can be a great tool, offering your child the chance to talk about what they are struggling with can also help.

Many times, they will have specific worries that you will be able to talk through and support them with. It may not be obvious to even your child what they are worrying about initially. Often, if you sit children down to have an intentional chat, they will struggle to open up. Instead, bring up the change occasionally as you cook together or walk to school.

Make sure that they have room to talk about it if they need to. By talking through different aspects of what is coming, they will be able to work out for themselves what they are most nervous about. Then, you and your child can face that fear together.

Try guided meditation

You can find many guided meditations online for children. Guided meditations are a great way to calm down your child’s busy mind and help them to self-regulate.

Studies have shown that meditation has a significant impact in promoting good mental health in children. For children who struggle to sit still, yoga can be a great active alternative.

Final note

Change is hard for grown-ups and children alike. Coping with change will not be easy for your child. As they do, however, they will learn to adapt.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

References

Works Cited

“How Can I Help My Child Cope with Change?” Support for Parents from Action for Children, parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/feelings-behaviour/talking-about-feelings/help-child-cope-with-change/.

Ratey, John J. “Can Exercise Help Treat Anxiety?” Harvard Health Blog, Harvard Health Publishing, 24 Oct. 2019, www.health.harvard.edu/blog/can-exercise-help-treat-anxiety-2019102418096.

Walton, Alice G. “Science Shows Meditation Benefits Children’s Brains and Behavior.” Forbes, www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2016/10/18/the-many-benefits-of-meditation-for-children/.

Young Minds. “Transitions, Change & Mental Health | Parents Guide.” YoungMinds, 2021, www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/transitions-and-times-of-change/.

The importance of play for your toddler may not be highlighted when we talk about their fundamental needs. Food, love, and shelter are things that our children need to survive. However, you probably want more than survival for your children. You likely want them to thrive. Play can be an important part of helping them learn and develop.

Why is play important for toddlers?

Children enter a world that is big and mysterious to them. Play is the way that they explore their surroundings and learn how to interact with others. It also helps them to learn about themselves, their capabilities, limitations and potential.

From when they are babies, our children are learning through play. In everything they do, they are developing skills and understanding. For example, one of the first toys that most babies are given is usually a rattle. A rattle is rarely classified as an educational toy, yet it teaches plenty. The baby shakes it, and it makes a noise. Through repetition, they will slowly begin to form the concept of cause and effect. The shaking of the toy leads to a noise, and when they stop, the noise stops too.

Many babies will go through a stage where they pick up an object, and then will drop it, or even throw it. Although at the time, it may feel like they are treating you like a pet dog, and trying to get you to fetch, the dropping and throwing stage is how they learn about gravity. It is also how they learn about holding on and about letting go. Also, how many times their adult will bring the same teddy back before they give up and shove it in a bag.

This exploration through play continues when they reach toddlerhood. As soon as they become mobile, their ability to explore, create and discover quickly increases.

Ways to play with your toddler

There are a lot of toys out there which are designed for toddlers. In fact, you could easily spend your annual wage on children’s toys. Toddlers do not need lots of fancy toys for play, though. There are many things that they can do for free, which are just as educational and fun.

Peek-a-boo

Peek-a-boo is a classic baby game that toddlers can enjoy too. Again, whilst to us as adults it may seem to be just a little bit of silliness, to children it can teach them about object permanence. Object permanence is the understanding that things still exist when they are no longer seen. It can also help children with gross motor skills and the ability to track objects visually.

Messy and sensory play

Toddlers can be rather messy, even before you get into messy or sensory play. However, messy and sensory play is great. It allows them to explore the world with all of their senses. They experience the feel of sand on their fingers, the sounds that a fabric makes when it crumples, and even the smells will intrigue them. Unfortunately, they will often try and explore through taste too, which can be frustrating as you try to stop them putting paint or dirty toys in their mouth.

As well as learning about different textures, sights, smells, tastes and visual sensations, sensory play can be a fantastic way to develop your child’s creativity.

You don’t need to spend a fortune on sensory play kits. Old pans and spoons are all you need for a mud kitchen. Play-dough is cheap to make at home from an online recipe. You can also make sensory shakers from old water bottles.

Role-play

Toddlers love to dress up. When they don their costumes, as firefighters, princesses or dinosaurs, they often will begin to engage in role play.

Role play is a wonderful way to encourage your child’s creativity. It can also be beneficial in developing their empathy as they play around with different roles and therefore perspectives. Often, role play involves the children creating and then acting out various scenarios. This can encourage children to use their problem-solving and cognitive skills.

As your child grows and passes from toddlerhood, they will begin playing socially with other children around them. Role-playing games are popular choices for these first co-play experiences. Through them, children learn to communicate and combine ideas.

Buying new fancy dress costumes can be expensive, but fortunately, there is usually a great selection in charity shops or second-hand selling sites.

Pegs and pans

A bag of clothes pegs and an old saucepan used to be my mum’s go-to activity for toddlers when she no longer had toys about. If you show a toddler how to clip a peg to the rim of the pan, it can keep them occupied for a fair amount of time. It is also a fantastic way to practise their fine motor skills. Just be warned, when you play this game might later find pegs attached to your jacket, shoes and furniture.

Obstacle races

Obstacle races can be a lot of fun and are easy to set up nearly anywhere. Get your child to crawl under chairs, hop from one square on the floor to another, climb over a box, or whatever other challenges you can create with the things around you. As well as helping your child’s physical development, this also supports cognitive development, as they try to remember what step is next.

Problem solving games

The art of problem solving is one that is acquired through practice. Therefore, offering your child problem-solving play can be really beneficial.

Problem-solving games include things like shape sorting, jigsaws, and mazes. Through them, children are not just developing their cognitive skills, but also developing perseverance

Scavenger hunts

Scavenger hunts are a lot of fun when you are walking with your toddler in the woods or playing in the garden; however, you can also do them just as well inside.

As well as being lots of fun, you can use scavenger hunts to help your toddler understand and classify the world around them. Give them list items that make them think, such as listing colours (something blue), sizes (something bigger than the basket), or other classifications (something that you wear, or something edible).

Parallel play

Toddlers are unlikely to play together, as they do not yet have the social skills to coordinate joint games. At most, they may hand each other toys or snatch each other’s toys. They do enjoy parallel play, however. Parallel play is where they play independently, next to each other. This can be beneficial as they observe each other and learn from how the other plays. Listening to the other child’s narrative or communication with their parent can expose them to a different range of vocabulary than they may usually hear.

As they play next to each other they will begin to learn social cues and understand the rules that govern social interaction, such as don’t hit or grab other children’s things.

A final note

The importance of play for your toddler can not be understated. By playing with your little one, you will be able to help them learn and develop, whilst bonding and having fun.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

References

BBC. “Why It’s Good for Children to Take Risks and Challenge Themselves through Play.” BBC Tiny Happy People, 2024, www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/znpwkty.

Care Learning. “Positive Risk Taking in Health and Social Care – Care Learning.” Carelearning.org.uk, 20 May 2024, carelearning.org.uk/blog/person-centred-care/positive-risk-taking-in-health-and-social-care/.

Hanscom, Angela. “Risk-Taking and Child Behaviour | Over-Protection and Child Development | Community Playthings.” Www.communityplaythings.co.uk, Apr. 2017, www.communityplaythings.co.uk/learning-library/articles/remove-the-bubble-wrap.

Hawkins, Beth. “The Importance of Role Play in the Early Years | Eyworks.” Eyworks, 10 May 2024, www.eyworks.co.uk/blog/the-importance-of-role-play-in-the-early-years/.

Messy Play. 2019, cambspborochildrenshealth.nhs.uk/child-development-and-growing-up/hand-skills/messy-play/.

“The Power of Parallel Play for Young Children | NCHS.” Blog.nchs.org, blog.nchs.org/discover-parallel-play-for-children.

to, What. “Play Peekaboo | What to Expect.” Whattoexpect, 27 Jan. 2019, www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/peek-a-boo/.

WJEC. “The Importance of Being Able to Take Risks with Considerations of the Well-Being of Children.” Amazonaws.com, 2019, resource.download.wjec.co.uk.s3.amazonaws.com/vtc/2018-19/HSC18-19_3-1/_multi-lang/unit05/01-risk-taking.html.

The benefits of risk-taking for children can be lost. Instead, you may feel the very real necessity to keep your children safe.

Keeping your child safe and well is, of course, your number one priority. We all have the ominous “what if” hanging over our heads.

With the rise of social media, you may feel even more scared. Your home page may be full of horror stories and worst case scenarios.

So, why talk about the benefits of risk-taking for children?

Taking risks does not mean acting dangerously

Before we go any further, let us clarify. Risk-taking is not the same as dangerous behaviour. Of course, dangerous behaviour is an extreme form of risk-taking. However, your child can take risks without engaging in dangerous behaviour.

The difference is the potential for harm. You do not want to teach your children to run blindly into a road, jump into a rough sea or anything that might cause them actual harm. Our children are precious, vulnerable and worth keeping safe. There are a lot of situations that you do not want them to put themselves in.

Navigating risks safely

One way that you can embrace the benefits of risk-taking for your children, without exposing them to danger, is by teaching them to navigate the risks safely.

By doing this, you do not remove the danger, but you teach them to be aware of it and how to manage their own safety.

An example of this could be climbing trees. Climbing trees carries a certain amount of risk, which we are all aware of. Rather than stopping them from climbing trees, or worse still, letting them climb and hoping for the best, teach them to climb safely. You can talk to them about how to understand their limits, and know how high is too high. Encourage them to test every branch before they step on it, and work slowly and carefully.

As children get older, the situations that they have to navigate can be more dangerous. They begin to have more independence, so are often navigating these situations without our supervision. As you allow them to take big steps, like walking to school on their own, or taking the bus on their own for the first time, ensure that they know the risks they may come across and how to manage them.

Emotional risks

Sometimes the risks that our children will face won’t be physical ones; Rather they will be emotional. The same as for adults, trying something new can be daunting for a child. They may be afraid of making a fool of themselves or failing.

As children are born with the innate need to fit in, the fear of being excluded or humiliated can feel just as real as the fear of physical harm.

Overcoming emotional risks and being brave enough to expose themselves to failure can help your child develop resilience. When they step out of their comfort zone, they become more willing to try new things.

The benefits of risk-taking for children

Risk-taking is a natural part of a child’s development. By recognising, exploring and then overcoming their fears, they learn about themselves and the world that they live in.

The mental benefits

If a child does not have the opportunity to confront some of their fears in a natural way, the fears can intensify. In the long run this can lead to children who are anxious, or even have phobias.

When a child is allowed to navigate risk safely, they learn to see their fear in perspective. They also learn the steps needed to stay safe around the risk, which can be empowering and give them a sense of control. Once they have managed to persevere and accomplish a risky task, a child will feel a sense of achievement and accomplishment.

Also, by being allowed to manage a certain amount of risk, children get to practise their cognitive reasoning skills and experience problem-solving.

The physical benefits

A lot of things that you may classify as risky play can be an important part of your child’s physical development. Through activities such as climbing, bike-riding, skating, spinning, rolling and general rough play, your child can become more physically aware. They learn what their body is capable of and how to keep themselves safe. Children who are allowed to engage in risky play will learn to recognise their own limits.

The social benefits

Children who have engaged in risky play and navigated challenging situations will be more confident with higher self-esteem. This can help them socially.

Risk-taking sometimes involves taking social risks as well as physical ones. It may be as simple as talking to someone new on the playground, or acting in a play in front of their friends. By overcoming their fears and stepping outside their comfort zones children will have opportunities to test and develop a plethora of skills, social and other.

How to encourage your children to take risks

Now that we have looked at the benefits of risk-taking for children, let’s look at how to encourage them to step out of their comfort zones. Also, how to encourage risk-taking, whilst prioritising their safety.

Retain boundaries

As well as encouraging our children to take risks, we want to make sure that they know what risks are safe to take. When you are talking to your children about risky play or trying new activities make sure that you set clear boundaries. For example, if you are allowing your children to use sharp knives when they help you cook, a reasonable rule would be that they are not allowed to touch the knives unless there is an adult standing by them

Talk through a risk assesment with them before

As well as boundaries, ensure they are aware of the risks and how to avoid them. With sharp knives they must learn how to turn the blade away from the finger. If they are walking to school on their own for the first time they need to know not to be careful crossing the road. Whatever the activity, talk through a little risk assessment before to ensure they are aware of what could go wrong and how to avoid it.

Be aware of developmental readiness

Although at times taking calculated risks can be beneficial for your child, it is important to ensure that your child is ready for the situation that they are walking into.

It is healthy, and beneficial for children to be allowed to fail. However, encourage them to engage in situations where, with time and hard work they have the potential to succeed.

If your child is still working on their general motor skills, asking them to climb a high tree would not only be demoralising, but also dangerous. Instead start with something small like a trim trail or climbing frame to enable them to work on the skills that they need.

By staying aware of what level your child is at, you can encourage them to engage in risky play that is tricky, but not impossible for them.

Model bravery

Your children learn a lot from watching you. By modelling calculated risk-taking, you can encourage your children to do the same.

What is it that you fear? If you are afraid of heights, be honest about it. Show your child how you step out of your comfort zone, and expose yourself to heights, without dangerous behaviour. As our children see us weighing up, managing, and facing risk, they will learn to do the same.

A final note

Risk-taking offers benefits to your child, socially, physically and mentally.

Of course, you love your children, and want to keep them safe. With clear boundaries, guidance and support, however, your child can be taught to face risk and manage it without exposing themselves to danger.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

References

BBC. “Why It’s Good for Children to Take Risks and Challenge Themselves through Play.” BBC Tiny Happy People, 2024, www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/znpwkty.

Care Learning. “Positive Risk Taking in Health and Social Care – Care Learning.” Carelearning.org.uk, 20 May 2024, carelearning.org.uk/blog/person-centred-care/positive-risk-taking-in-health-and-social-care/.

Hanscom, Angela. “Risk-Taking and Child Behaviour | Over-Protection and Child Development | Community Playthings.” Www.communityplaythings.co.uk, Apr. 2017, www.communityplaythings.co.uk/learning-library/articles/remove-the-bubble-wrap.

WJEC. “The Importance of Being Able to Take Risks with Considerations of the Well-Being of Children.” Amazonaws.com, 2019, resource.download.wjec.co.uk.s3.amazonaws.com/vtc/2018-19/HSC18-19_3-1/_multi-lang/unit05/01-risk-taking.html.

Is developing your child’s self-esteem something that you can do as a parent, or will their self-image manifest on its own, without your influence?

Research suggests that parents do in fact play a big role in the development of a child’s self-esteem. As children are developing an idea of who they are, the way that we see them and react to them becomes an integral component of the image they begin to form of themselves.

What is self-esteem

Let’s start by clarifying what we mean when we talk about self-esteem.

The definition of self-esteem can sometimes vary. At times, it is used to describe the way a person views themself. Others use it as more of a gauge of a person’s confidence and self-worth.

A person who has a positive opinion of themself is said to have high self-esteem. A person with high self-esteem believes that they are of value. They are aware of their strengths and have confidence in their ability.

On the other hand, a person with low self-esteem will likely not believe they have much worth, or potential.

How does a child develop self-esteem?

Self-esteem begins to shape from day one. Even as a baby, your child is beginning to form a concept of themselves in relation to other people and the world around them. If a baby feels safe in the connection to their caregiver, loved and valued, they are likely to have a strong foundation upon which to build a positive view of themselves.

As a child ages, they will begin to test their abilities and explore their surroundings. As they learn and explore, they will begin to form a view of the world around them and their place within it. They will face challenges and develop skills. They will also form bonds with people. These bonds, and the way people react to them, will impact how they learn to see themselves.

Through the different moments that you share with your child, you will be playing a part in developing your child’s self-esteem.

The benefits of high self-esteem

High self-esteem is important for mental health.

Low self-esteem can lead to stress, anxiety and depression. This is not surprising. A child who does not believe in their worth is more likely to feel unsure of their place in the world, leading to insecurities and confusion. Facing challenges without believing in their abilities can be daunting for a child. Whereas a child with a strong belief in their problem-solving and coping techniques will feel confident.

A healthy self-esteem also means that a child will have respect for themselves. This can mean that they are comfortable setting personal boundaries and advocating for themselves when needed.

Furthermore, a high self-esteem can improve a child’s relationships and is linked to success in a different life pursuits.

Developing your child’s self esteem

Developing your child’s self-esteem is an ongoing process. Day in and day out, the little interactions that you have with your child can shape how they learn to see themselves.

Here are some ways that you can help your child to have a high self-esteem.

Give them your full attention

When you give your child your full attention while they are talking to you, you are showing them that what they say is important to you. This can be hard when you are juggling other tasks. If they start telling you a story, and you are too busy to listen to them at that moment, ask them to hold on. Tell them you want to listen properly, and then do so as soon as you are able.

Allow them to explore their interests

Every child is unique and will have different passions and strengths. By allowing them to explore different interests, they can learn about themselves. In some areas, your child may find they have an aptitude and can pick up new skills easily. Even more special is when they fall in love with a hobby and find the fortitude to work hard at skills that don’t come easily to them.

Practise passive listening

As a parent you may have a lot that you want to teach your child. After all, there are lessons that you have learnt the hard way. You want to impart your hard-earned knowledge to your little one. This can mean that when they talk to you, you feel tempted to jump in with judgement and instructions. At times this will be necessary, but when possible practise passive listening.

Rather than explaining the facts of the situation to your child, ask them to talk you through their thoughts and feelings. Don’t offer them answers, but explore solutions together.

Allow them to fail

This might seem counter proudtive, but failure is important for developing your child’s self-esteem.

The link between failure and high self-esteem is not a direct one. However, a 2017 study showed a link between exposure to failure and resilience.

If a child’s view of themselves relies on always succeeding, they are in a dangerous position. At some point, they will fail.

A child who has been allowed to fail will learn how to cope when things go wrong. As well as exposing your child to failure, teach them how to react to it. Encourage them to assess what went wrong, and if they decide to try again, how they will do things differently.

Also, if they do not fail, they will not develop resilience to failure. It is imortant that children learn that their value will not differ based on their success.

Offer praise about things that they can control

If you offer praise based on things like a child’s prettiness or cleverness, their value will become connected to something that they have no control over.

Rather, praise things such as willingness to work, creativity in choosing outfits and kindness. These are all things that are in a child’s realm of control. This gives them a sense of control over who they decide to be.

Speak kindly about them

As mums and dads, it is natural to want to vent to each other. It is not uncommon for our children to be the subject of our complaints. Sometimes we need to talk to other parents and receive that support. Be careful, however, how you talk about your child when they are in earshot. They listen to us a lot more than we suppose.

Be conscious of what language you use

The way that we phrase things is important. Positive language can help our children form a positive opinion of themselves.

For example, maybe your child wants to walk down the road without holding your hand. They are young and have a tendency to be silly. You know it isn’t a good idea. Don’t say, “No, you are too silly to walk on your own.” Rather say, “You haven’t learnt to be sensible on the road yet. Hold my hand, and when you are older, you can walk on your own.”

At the end of the day, your decision remains the same. However, in the first answer, you labelled them as silly. In the second, you have still said that they lack the skills needed, but used the word “yet.” Your phrasing has implied that they will be ready in time.

Use words that show that you believe in your child and their potential. Don’t view them as a finished product. Sure, maybe they are mardy now, but they have the potential to learn to control their emotions. Maybe they are shy, but in time they will find their bravery and their voice when they need it.

Model positive self-esteem

Children are social learners and will copy a lot of the attitudes that we model for them. Therefore, a great way to teach your child high self-esteem is to act it out yourself.

Use kind language when you talk about yourself. When you make mistakes, don’t beat yourself up. You will have weaknesses. Everyone does. It is okay to acknowledge that you are not the best driver, decorator or artist. Pair that with an acknolweldgement of your strengths also.

A final note

A high self-esteem will be beneficial to your child in a lot of different way. Therefore, intentionally work on developing your child’s self-esteem. Show them who they are, and even more, who they can be.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

References

Bailey, Joseph A. “The Foundation of Self-Esteem.” Journal of the National Medical Association, vol. 95, no. 5, May 2003, p. 388, pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2594522/.

Cherry, Kendra. “What Is Self-Esteem?” Verywell Mind, 5 Dec. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-esteem-2795868.

Henriksen, Ingvild Oxås, et al. “The Role of Self-Esteem in the Development of Psychiatric Problems: A Three-Year Prospective Study in a Clinical Sample of Adolescents.” Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, vol. 11, no. 1, Dec. 2017, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5747942/, https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034-017-0207-y.

Johnson, Judith, et al. “Resilience to Emotional Distress in Response to Failure, Error or Mistakes: A Systematic Review.” Clinical Psychology Review, vol. 52, Mar. 2017, pp. 19–42, www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735816302902, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2016.11.007.

Lyness, D’Arcy. “Your Child’s Self-Esteem (for Parents) – KidsHealth.” Kidshealth.org, July 2018, kidshealth.org/en/parents/self-esteem.html.

NHS. “Raising Low Self-Esteem.” NHS, 11 Apr. 2023, www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/.

Orth, Ulrich, and Richard W. Robins. “Is High Self-Esteem Beneficial? Revisiting a Classic Question.” American Psychologist, vol. 77, no. 1, Jan. 2022, pp. 5–17, https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000922.

“Tips to Build Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence in Your Child (and Yourself) – Center for Children and Youth.” Center for Children and Youth, 11 Dec. 2013, ccy.jfcs.org/tips-to-build-self-esteem-and-self-confidence-in-your-child-and-yourself/.

Vanbuskirk, Sarah. “Why It’s Important to Have High Self-Esteem.” Verywell Mind, 21 Feb. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/why-it-s-important-to-have-high-self-esteem-5094127.

Like many parents, you likely want to help your child stand up against peer pressure. You want them to know what is right and what is wrong. You hope that when they are away from you, even if everyone around them is making a poor choice, they will be smart, safe and kind.

Unfortunately, children, like adults, want to fit in. The need to belong is an innate one, and it is strong. They will be surrounded by other children. Children who like them are trying to work out who they are in a world that feels big and confusing.

What age does peer pressure start?

If you want to help your child stand against peer pressure, it is essential to understand when it begins.

Often, we see peer pressure as an issue that impacts teenagers. In fact, younger children are just as susceptible.

The Picture Book experiment

There was an experiment on four-year-olds. Children were placed into groups of four, and each had a picture book. They sat in booths, able to hear but not see each other. The children were led to believe that each book was identical; however, one in four books was different.

The researchers asked each child to open to the same page, then say what was in the picture. The children with the odd books heard the others answer something different to what they saw. They then had a choice between what the majority believed was true and what they could see with their own eyes. Throughout the experiment, 24 children had an odd book. Eighteen out of the 24 answered incorrectly, siding with the majority.

This means that, at just four years old, the opinions of other people were enough to make them deny the reality that was right in front of them. It is compelling evidence that peer pressure impacts young children, not just teenagers.

Is peer pressure always bad?

Peer pressure is often seen negatively. Positive peer pressure is indeed possible.

Every child will have different strengths and home experiences. Positive peer pressure can help children get out of their comfort zones and be brave enough to try new things. It can normalise differences.

The difference between positive and negative peer pressure will come down to who your child is spending time with. Therefore, it is important to encourage your child to make friends with children who make good choices.

The dangers of peer pressure

Although peer pressure isn’t always bad, it has the potential to be harmful.

If your child has to choose between fitting in with their peers or making a choice they are uncomfortable with, they may experience anxiety or stress.

Furthermore, peer pressure can normalise unsafe or unkind behaviours. This can be even more of a danger when children get older. Teenagers are more likely to experiment with alcohol and drugs if they are subject to peer pressure.

How to help your child against peer pressure

No matter how much we try to protect our children from peer pressure, it is something that they will have to face.

The good news is that there are things that we can do to help them stay strong when the time comes.

Model saying no

Our children learn a lot from observing us. They often mimic the behaviours that they see us model. If you are brave enough to stand up for what you believe, your children may feel empowered to do the same.

Role play conversations

When several children are pressuring your child to make a certain choice, they may feel overwhelmed. Being able to choose to make their own choice and then put that into words is not always easy. It can help to role-play situations your child might face. Help them find words that they feel comfortable saying, and get them to practise using them.

Build up their self-esteem

To stand strong in their beliefs, a child needs a strong sense of who they are. Children with low self-esteem are more likely to seek validation from their peers. Build up their self-esteem as much as you can. By doing this, you are strengthening your child against peer pressure. Building up self-esteem isn’t just about praising your child, although specific praise can be helpful. Things like giving your child your full attention when they speak to you can help them know that you value their voice.

Encourage positive friendships

As we discussed before, the difference between positive and negative peer pressure is down to who your child is being influenced by. Encourage them to talk to you about their friendships, and help them look out for friends who are kind. If there is a friendship you notice that is positive, perhaps try to facilitate a play date outside of school to deepen the connection.

Although many children make most of their friends at school, clubs can also be a great way for them to meet people who have similar interests or hobbies.

Listen when they talk

Older children will begin to gravitate to their friends over their parents. Many children, at times, will open up to their parents a little about what is going on in their world. When they do, the temptation can be to try and fix their problems or tell them what to do. Listening without judgment, and with peace, is a skill that can take a while to master. If we manage, however, we can be a safe place for our children to come when they are unsure.

Of course, there are times when you will need to intervene for safety. At other times, you can stand by your child as they begin to work out their problems.

Let them grow their independence

For young children, you will make most of their choices for them. As your child grows up, though, it is incredibly beneficial to allow them to begin making some decisions on their own. This will help them to practise weighing up choices and consequences.

A child who is used to having decisions made for them will be more likely to follow the crowd, whereas a child who can reason and think independently will be better placed to go a different way from their peers.

Help them develop their communication skill

In order to help your child stand up against peer pressure, you need to let them find their voice. Rather than communicating on their behalf, allow them to speak for themselves as much as possible. This could mean they order their own meal at a restaurant, or that they answer a doctor’s questions during a check-up.

Developing their communication skills will help them when they are facing peer pressure and have to advocate for themselves.

A Final note

At times, your child may cave and make wrong choices. This does not mean that they are weak or bad. Rather, it means that they are learning. They are learning who they are and how to be the best version of themselves.

It can be hard to watch your child having to navigate peer pressure. By doing so, however, they can strengthen their character and learn more about who they are.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

The importance of talking to your baby should not be overlooked. Although they are unable to chat back, taking time to speak to them throughout the day can be beneficial.

The importance of talking to your baby in the womb

It may feel silly talking to your baby whilst they are still in utero. In fact, the importance of talking to your baby in the womb has been highlighted by research into prenatal language development.

Studies have shown that from about 16 weeks, a baby begins to hear the world outside their mother’s womb. By 24 weeks, they will respond to their mother’s voice. This means they can identify their mother’s voice amidst others.

Furthermore, at birth a baby can recognise the rhythm of its mother’s native language over other languages and dialects.

This is not just the beginning of bonding between mother and baby, but also part of a baby’s language development. The early exposure to the nuances of their mother’s language will shape their brain, getting it ready for learning that same language after birth.

Can your baby understand what you are saying?

At birth, your baby will not understand the words that you are saying. This does not mean that they can’t relate to you. Rather, for your baby, there will be more importance placed on the tone you use when you speak with them. They will notice things like your facial expressions when you speak, and the way that you respond to their cries.

As they continue to grow, they constantly learn, absorbing everything around them. At around two months old, your baby tries to mimic the speech that they have heard from you. They will babble and play around with sounds.

The importance of turn-taking when you talk to your baby

Although your baby can’t understand your words or have a conversation, they can practice the art of conversation by turn-taking.

Turn-taking is a fun activity to try with your little one, and a great way to bond with them. Sit facing your baby and speak to them, then be quiet and wait for them to babble back at you. Let them babble till they stop, and then it is your turn to talk again.

As well as connecting with your baby, turn-taking helps babies work on their communication, social and language skills.

Baby talk

There is a cooing voice that many people find themselves using when they talk to a baby. We often don’t intend to speak differently, and may feel embarrassed when we find ourselves naturally doing it.

Many language experts, however, believe in the importance of talking to your baby this way. A lot of the differences that you make to your speech are actually beneficial.

The higher tone is easier for a young baby to hear clearly, and the sing-song rhythm is simpler for them to process, rather than the normal flow of conversation.

Some of the words that we use, such as bunny or kitty, also help language acquisition. When you use these cutesy terms with your little one, you are emphasising the rhythm of the words.

As babies are immersed in language, they will slowly begin to understand the meaning of words. From as early as four months, a baby can recognise their name.

After hearing words repeated over and over in context, they will start to expand their vocabulary. Towards the end of their first year, they should have a few words that they recognise. These first few known words are often spoken commands, such as ‘no’ or ‘stop’. Throughout their second year, toddlers’ understanding of language is likely to flourish.

Immersion in a language is an important part of this development. A baby who is spoken to regularly and is surrounded by conversation will have more opportunities to learn, and therefore is likely to understand and speak their language at an earlier age.

The importance of singing to your baby

Nursery rhymes are fun, and often sharing them with your baby can take you back to your childhood.

Singing with your baby is also great for their linguistic development. As with baby talk, the rhythm of songs can help their brain process and remember words. Babies also learn a lot from repetition, meaning that the structure of many baby songs is perfect for them.

By singing the same songs or nursery rhymes over, you can create a predictable structure. This is great for their cognitive development, as they see the patterns and learn to anticipate a clap or bounce after a certain word.

How to talk to your baby

The way that you talk to your baby will change depending on their age.

At any age, it is a good idea to start with their name, so they learn to respond to it.

A newborn baby will love to look at your face, so get close to them when you speak with them, and remember to smile. When they start to babble back, let them have their turn. Don’t be embarrassed to use a baby voice, as this will help them to process the language that you are using.

As your baby gets older,, you can start to name things around you, adding more detail as their understanding increases. You may begin just pointing out objects, ‘It’s a fish!” Then as your child develops, they may understand more detailed sentences, ‘Look, the orange fish is swimming.”

When your baby talks back to you

By the time your baby talks back to you, they will likely be a toddler. Whatever the age, it is always exciting to hear your little ones’ first words.

When your child begins to talk to you, it is an opportunity to model listening. They may get words wrong at first; that is okay. It can be tempting to correct them, but you don’t need to. You can just repeat what they said correctly, “Yes, the fish is swimming!” and let them learn as they go.

A final note

Although they can’t talk back, the importance of talking to your baby is undeniable. Let them hear your voice, and soon enough you will hear theirs too.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

References

“Babies: Their Wonderful World – Exploring the Science behind “Baby Talk.”” BBC Tiny Happy People, 2023, www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/zk8dscw.

“Baby Talk Used by Adults and Why We Speak in Baby Talk with Kids.” BBC Tiny Happy People, 2023, www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/z92xnk7.

Gervain, Judith. “The Role of Prenatal Experience in Language Development.” Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, vol. 21, June 2018, pp. 62–67, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cobeha.2018.02.004.

https://www.facebook.com/nhswebsite. “Help Your Baby Learn to Talk.” Nhs.uk, Dec. 2020, www.nhs.uk/baby/babys-development/play-and-learning/help-your-baby-learn-to-talk/.

Mariani, Benedetta, et al. “Prenatal Experience with Language Shapes the Brain.” Science Advances, vol. 9, no. 47, 24 Nov. 2023, https://doi.org/10.1126/sciadv.adj3524.

McElroy, Molly. “While in Womb, Babies Begin Learning Language from Their Mothers.” UW News, 2019, www.washington.edu/news/2013/01/02/while-in-womb-babies-begin-learning-language-from-their-mothers/.

Sauer, Mary. “Developmental Milestones: Understanding Words, Behavior, and Concepts | BabyCenter.” BabyCenter, 7 Mar. 2022, www.babycenter.com/baby/baby-development/developmental-milestones-understanding-words-behavior-and-co_6575.

“Talking to Your Bump – What Are the Benefits?” BBC Tiny Happy People, 2021, www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/z4xy2sg.

Weisleder, Adriana, and Anne Fernald. “Talking to Children Matters: Early Language Experience Strengthens Processing and Builds Vocabulary.” Psychological Science, vol. 24, no. 11, 10 Sept. 2013, pp. 2143–2152, https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797613488145.

“Why Taking Turns Is so Important.” BBC Tiny Happy People, www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/zgc6qfr.

The power of positivity is a well-worn phrase, but is positivity powerful? Is it something that you should teach your children, or just the latest fad, traded on by self-help gurus and personal improvement books?

Some think that by merely believing hard enough in something good, you can make it happen. Or some don’t think bad things will happen to them. The former are unlikely to take action, as they see their faith as enough. The latter is unlikely to take precautions.

In opposition, there are those who think that things are what they will be, and there is very little that you can do to change them.

A lot of the differences in perspective can be attributed to personality and upbringing. Is it just different opinions, though? Are there any proven facts about positivity? What does science have to say?

Is positivity powerful?

If positivity is truly as powerful as people say, there should be evidence to show its effects. Indeed, numerous studies have been conducted on the power of positivity in various aspects of people’s lives. So let’s see what they found.

How positivity impacts health

There was a study done in 2013 examining the connection between positive well-being and the risk of a heart attack in patients with a family history of heart disease. The researchers found that patients with a positive outlook had a significant reduction in coronary artery disease.

The impact of positivity on health is not limited to just heart disease. There is also research linking positivity with lower blood pressure, a healthier BMI, lower blood sugar and increased longevity. There have also been links shown between positivity and increased immunity.

The strong link between positivity and health is in a large part due to the fact that those with a positive outlook may be more resilient to stress.

Stress can cause your body to release hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. An excess of these hormones can disrupt the body’s normal processes, and cause issues like insomnia, digestive problems, muscle soreness, weight gain and a lack of focus.

Positivity and success

According to the Journal of Business and Entrepreneurship positive thinking, when taken to an extreme, can have a negative impact on success. This is because extreme optimism, without consideration of the facts, may lead to people making unwise choices.

However, a healthy amount of positivity can increase success. Positive people have been proven to be more successful and also more likely to set goals. When they encounter setbacks, positive people have been shown to be more resilient and better at solving problems. As with the correlation between positivity and health, this could be partly due to a reduction in the stress hormones. A reduction in stress can help you to think more clearly and creatively.

Positivity and relationships

You may feel that your positivity will be a hindrance in relationships. They say that misery loves company, and in way that is true. There are people who you will meet who will love to moan and complain. They will love to gossip and drag other peoples names through the dirt. These are people who will not like your positivity.

A positive attitude, however, can attract people who share a similar upbeat outlook. When you see the best in people and show kindness to them, you can make their world a better place.

As with everything else, this should be balanced. Be sure to avoid toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is when you take your sunny attitude to the extreme, and reject any acknowledgement of negative feelings or experiences. Life is hard, and some of the feelings you and the people around you will feel will be difficult. You can make time for negative feelings and still be an overall positive person. Denying these feelings, on the other hand, can cause more pain long-term.

Positivity and Parenting

Does positivity have an impact on parenting? Apparently so. Children who are raised in a positve enviroment have better mental health, fewer behavioural issues and are academically more succesful.

A child’s self-esteem is largely defined by their parents. If a child is responded to with warmth, they will be able to understand their value. If they are encouraged, and their successes and progress highlighted, they will see themselves in the same positive way that they are spoken about.

Children will often act in line with how they are taught to view themselves. If they are taught they are kind, they will show kindness, if they are taught they are clever they will be eager to use their brains.

How to be more positive?

So, after looking at the impact of positivity on health, success, relationships and our children. It is hard now to deny that positivity is powerful in more than one way.

However, we are tired, parenting is hard, and we live in a world that sometimes drags us down. How can we become more positive when things don’t feel great?

Gratitude journal

With all that you are battling throughout the day, sometimes the blessings can go unnoticed. Keeping a gratitude journal is a great habit to begin. Treat yourself to a pretty notebook, and keep it by the bed. Before you sleep write down just one thing from the day that you thought was good.

Keep positive company

The people who you spend your time with will influence you greatly. If you spend time with people who are negative, it will be hard to maintain a positive attitude.

Seek out people who see the wonder in the world, the potential in people and who believe in themselves.

Try visualisation

There are mixed opinions about visualisation. The Neuroscience School suggests that visualisation can trick the brain into believing that you have already succeeded, therefore your motivation will dip.

However, other studies looking at visualisation disagree. Visualisation, although working in the imaginary, makes a neurological reality. This can actually reshape the brain as new neurological pathways are formed which can help set you up for success.

One study in particular followed participants over 12 weeks of positive visualisations. At the end of the study the participants were shown to have increased cognitive function, emotional perception and non verbal reasoning.

Visualisation is worth a try, but remember to pair it with actions towards your goals.

Affirm yourself with words

Affirmations can sometimes be seen as rather cringey. If used consististently, however, they can help combat negative thinking and rewire the brain to accept positive truths.

As well as adjusting how you see reality, affrimations can change how you see yourself. This is important. If you see yourself as smart and competent, you will have the confidence to acheive what you set out to acheive.

Again, this should be balanced. Confidence can help you to function at a higher level, but overconfidence can cause you to not assess situations accurately.

Choose affirmations that focus on the type of life that you want to build, and the goals that you want to achieve.

Talk nicely about your children

Parenting is hard, and there is no shame in admitting that you are struggling. Be careful though, not to focus too much conversation on your child’s shortcomings. Even when your children don’t seem to be listening they are often more tuned in than you think.

Also, if you base your friendships on complaining about your children, the negative conversations will impact your perceptions of your little ones.

Yes, our children will drive us crazy sometimes. Speak about them with grace, patience and respect.

A final note

Positivity has the power to support our health, relationships, success and parenting outcomes. It is also not just a personality trait. Positivity can be chosen, and worked on.

I wish you all the peace

Hannah Louise

The joy of parenting is difficult to speak about without at least a little sarcasm. Blow out diapers on the way out the door, meltdowns in supermarkets, and a constant sense of self-doubt and guilt as you try to love and raise your little ball of crazy. Who could miss the joy, right?

Parenting is hard. It is messy, frustrating, and sometimes both physically and emotionally draining. Of course, there are good moments, not only when the children finally nap.

Watching your little one grow and explore the world, and standing by them as they learn who they are, is incredible. Often, however, the moments of joy are lost in the chaos that parenting also brings.

What is joy?

To understand the joy of parenting, we must explore what joy is.

Joy is often used as another word for happiness. This is one correct definition, but it is not the only definition.

The word joy derives from the French word “gaudia.” This translates as “to rejoice.” The root word, therefore, is a verb rather than a noun. I am not referencing grammar to bore you. The difference between a noun and a verb is important here. If we see joy as a noun, it is a thing. It is either there or not. If we see it as a verb, it can be something more. It becomes an action. It is now a choice. The verb joy is an internal attitude rather than an external circumstance.

Does joyful parenting mean that I have to be happy all the time?

Although joy is indeed an attitude, please don’t think I am telling you to be happy all the time. You will feel a lot of things at 3 am when your baby wakes up, and won’t go back to sleep. It is okay that happiness is not one of those things. No one expects you to celebrate when your toddler throws his dinner on the floor or refuses to put on his pants.

You will feel a spectrum of emotions as you pass through days of parenting. It is okay to have negative emotions. We will all be angry, frustrated and unsure at times. The Scientific American journal suggests that negative emotions are actually important for our well-being and mental health.

Can you be Joyful when you aren’t happy?

It is possible to be joyful but not happy. The ability to not be consumed by one emotion, and therefore make room for hope, optimism, connection, and all those other things that surround joy, is indicative of emotional maturity. Another way to describe this is emotional resilience.

Emotional resilience

Emotional resilience is a huge part of mental health. It is the ability to keep going and hold it together when it feels like everything is falling apart. Emotionally resilient people are able to appreciate the good, whilst still struggling with the negative.

It is worth noting that emotional resilience is easier to maintain when you are well-connected to positive and supportive people.

Emotional resilience can enable us to maintain joy, through the good days and the bad.

How to parent with joy

So, if joy is a choice, how do we choose it?

Make choices that increase your emotional resilience

As we just discussed, emotional resilience can make it easier to choose joy, as you stand against the waves of emotions that want to carry you away. There are a lot of ways to increase your emotional resilience. Building strong and healthy relationships with other mums, eating well, sleeping and taking time to meditate all have positive effects on your emotional resilience.

Prioritise Positivity

Research has been conducted on the benefits of positive thinking. A positive attitude has been linked with better mental and physical health.

As well as having health benefits, positivity can grow into joy. As you notice your strengths and opportunities rather than flaws and limitations, you will find more reasons to rejoice.

Remember, that this too shall pass

Sometimes it feels like certain struggles will never end, but remember, this too shall pass. The toddler tantrums won’t last forever, potty training will finish one day, and by the time your child is a teen, they will probably sleep through the night. Whatever you are going through, chances are that you will make it out the other end. Maybe you will come out bruised and a little shaken, but alive and ready to face the next challenge.

Slow down and simplify

In this age, many people feel judged by how much they do. And there is so much that could be done. School PTAs to volunteer for, family events, community events, Pinterest projects, scrapbooks, baking and if you have a daughter, intricate hairstyles to try.

Some of this can be fun. With fun and joy closely aligned, it may seem a good idea to say “yes” more. Check in with yourself, though. If you are already feeling stretched thin, remember that there is no shame in saying “no”. You are no less if you do less.

Surround yourself with joyful people

Theoretically, you will end up like the five people that you spend the most time with. Therefore, choose people are joyful, kind and will celebrate your successes with you and stand by you during your low times.

If your friends tear each other down and compete against each other, chances are they won’t be a positive influence in your life.

Accept what you can’t control

Life is not fair. It is an unpopular fact, but a fact. Some unfair things are also completely out of our control. When these cross your path, it is tempting to get angry and frustrated. In these times, remember to focus on the things that you can control.

It is impossible to be joyful in a reality that you refuse to accept.

Teaching your children joy

Often, children are naturally joyful. They can find fun in the least likely places, and explore the world with a sense of adventure and awe.

There are times, however, when they get bored, tired or overwhelmed. Should you teach them joy? If so how?

Although teaching your child joy may benefit them, it should be done with caution. Sure, you want to teach your little ones how to be okay and how to find good in whatever they face. This needs to be balanced with an acknowledgement of what they are feeling at the time. Don’t ever make your child feel ashamed of being sad, angry, scared, worried or any other unpleasant thing they may be feeling.

Rather than demanding that they have a positive attitude, try modelling one. You can say things like, “I know that it’s frustrating, the party was rained off. Shall we go and play in puddles instead? ” Or, “This is a rough week, what can we do that will make us feel better?”

Keep your eyes open, and point out things that are beautiful or worth your child’s wonder. If you walk through the woods looking for creepy crawlies, birds and pretty plants, your child is likely to do the same.

Games and challenges are a great way to bring joy into boring moments. Whilst waiting for a bus, find silly games to play. If your child is fussing to change, make it a race between them changing and you washing the pots.

A final note

No one is genuinely joyful all the time. That is okay. Sometimes we are just trying to survive.

Whatever you are walking through, however, try and take the time to look around you. Find something to smile about.

Parenting is not easy. so the more joy that you can scavenge along the way, the better. Joy can bring a little sunshine to the wildest storm.

I wish you all the peace!

Hannah Louise

What parenting style is best for your child is something that many people will differ on.

A few decades ago, many believed that the only proper way to parent a child was to instil unquestioning obedience via punishments and spanking if needed. Since those days, the norm has changed. Now, society sees spanking as abusive and unkind. In some cases, however, the pendulum has swung to the other extreme. It is not uncommon in our current times to find households where parents give the children free rein. Some little ones are allowed to do what they want when they want it.

Despite the controversy, what parenting style is best for your child is not just a matter of personal opinion. There is research that has now been done into the four main parenting styles and how they impact children. But before we look at what parenting style is best, lets look at the 4 main styles of parenting.

The 4 main parenting styles

Pysologists break parenting down into 4 main styles. Of course, this are just the archetypes. Most parents will not fit neatly into one style, rather will work with a blend of the different parenting techniques.

The 4 main parenting styles are as follows.

Why do we all parent so differently?

Many factors can influence the way a person parents. These can be emotional, psychological and social.

Sometimes it is just an outcome of circumstances. This is often the case with uninvolved parents. This parenting style is often a side effect of a parent with other life struggles, therefore unable to give their best to the child.

Often, there are parenting styles that are seen as more acceptable in the location or social circle that surrounds you. In my parents’ day, authoritarian parenting was admired, and parents who smacked their children were seen as responsible. Nowadays, in the UK, smacking is seen as wrong, and the authoritarian style is a lot less acceptable.

Other factors can influence which parenting style you choose. It may be due to your own childhood, either a rebellion against or a copy off. Or perhaps your child has additional needs which you need to account for in your parenting methods.

How the different parenting styles impact your child

Two children can grow up in the same home and turn out completely different. Children are not innate sponges that we parent into, but rather living people who respond to the environment in which they are born.

Nevertheless, your parenting styles will have an impact on your child.

Authoritarian parenting

Authoritarian was the parenting style that was often touted as best during the 80s and 90s. On face, the children of authoritarian parents are well behaved. However, long-term, authoritarian parenting does not lead to positive or healthy behaviour.

The social impact of being raised by authoritarian parents was studied in China in 2023. Children who were raised in strict, authoritarian homes were more aggressive and less likely to connect with their peers. This may be due to genetics, learned behaviour, or just that the children were less trusting of their peers, believing that people were inherently aggressive.

It is worth noting that some disagree and believe that children from authoritarian families are less likely to cause disruptions and therefore get along with peers and other children.

Children from this parenting style do not have the best levels of emotional intelligence, which can lead to impulsive behaviour. They are also at higher risk of developing depression and anxiety. They are also likely to have low self esteem.

As their parents are controlling their behaviour and making decisions for them, they may struggle with self-control.

On the flip side, there are benefits to authoritarian parenting. It can offer children clarity on whose authority they should submit to. This can help them become resilient to peer pressure.

Uninvolved Parenting

Children of uninvolved parents are often very independent. This is usually due to the fact that they have had to take care of themselves, and not been able to rely on a parent or carer. Instead, they have had to fend for themselves.

They may also be more emotionally unstable or immature. This is because connection with the main adults in their life is important for a child’s emotional development.

That connection with the main caregiver, also will be a foundation upon which future relationships are formed. Without the connection, the child may struggle to maintain healthy and trusting relationships in the future.

Uninvolved parenting can also lead to low self-esteem in the child. The lack of structure can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. Without a close connection, they are not able to learn by watching a parent’s modelled behaviour, therefore can be more impulsive and find it hard to make sound decisions.

The consequences of uninvolved parenting carry through to school, with children struggling academically.

As we discussed earlier, often uninvolved parenting is not a choice. It is often the consequence of parents who are unable to show up due to their own limitations.

Permissive parenting

It is not surprising that children from permissive homes are often very secure in their relationship with their parents and have very high self-esteem.

Unfortunately, this parenting style also has many drawbacks.

As there are no boundaries at home, the children can struggle with self-control. The lack of rules and structure can also cause children to feel anxious and insecure. When they enter an environment where they are expected to follow rules, they can struggle.

If a child is not given limits on things like screen time or sugar, they will often overindulge. This not only leads to poor mental and physical health in the present, but they will also struggle to set limits on themself in later life.

As permissive parents often prioritise the child’s immediate happiness, children raised this way can become egocentric and lack patience or the ability to compromise. This can hurt their social development.

In permissive parenting children are offered as much freedom as the parent can manage, without the responsibilities. The lack of responsibility and accountability can mean these children can, find it harder to achieve academically or outside of school.

Authoritative parenting

Authoritative parenting is a middle ground between permissive and authoritarian parenting. It offers the structure and high expectations of authoritarian parenting, along with the strong parent-child bond of permissive parenting.

Children from authoritative parents are securely attached, and their voice is listened to. This can have a positive impact on their self-esteem and confidence. The strong bond can also reduce risk for anxiety and depression later in life.

Despite the strong bond, children from authoritative parents are encouraged to exercise their independence and try new things. The freedom that the children are given is matched with an understanding of the responsibilities. This can set a child up for success and achievement.

The strong bond with their parent or carer, matched with an understanding of appropriate behaviour can help a child socially.

These children are disciplined through positive reinforcement and encouragement, being given the space to find out who they are. Their good behaviour is driven by a strong sense of personal identity instead of by fear.

There is also evidence that children raised by authoritative parents are more emotionally regulated and have better problem-solving abilities.

What parenting style is best?

Experts agree that the authoritative parenting style leads to the best outcomes for children. However, it requires a lot of time and patience. At times, most of us will use different parenting styles, as it is rare to parent exclusively one way.

At the heart of it, children who is secure in their attachment with their parent and are raised in a safe environment with parents who love them enough to discipline them they will thrive.

Children also learn a lot from examples. If they are surrounded by people with healthy attitudes and habits, then they are likely to adopt the same behaviours.

Final note

Although all of the parenting styles have benefits, the balance between a loving and warm connection and high expectations that is offered by authoritative parents can give children a foundation of security and motivation from which to excel.