If you are wondering how to help your child cope with change, you are not alone. When adults face a shake-up of their circumstances, we often struggle. For children, it can be even harder.

Why do children find change difficult?

Before we examine how to help children cope with change, it is worth exploring why children find change so difficult.

Children, like adults, like stability. They thrive on routines and predictability. The things that they know offer a sense of safety and familiarity.

When adults face change, we do so with a greater level of understanding. We know what will be the same and what may be different. There will often be a certain amount of choice and control that we have in the new circumstances.

This is rarely the case for children. They have a limited understanding of the world and the way things work, so they will find it hard to predict what their new circumstances may look like.

Children often have little agency or options to choose. Rather, we carry them to new schools or homes.

Also, emotional development is still in progress. This means that the big feelings that come with saying goodbye to people or places that they love can be harder to process.

What does it look like when a child is struggling with change?

Children who are struggling to cope with change may be overemotional. They might also struggle to sleep or have differences in their appetite. There could also be other symptoms associated with anxiety, such as sickness, headaches or constipation.

Many children will not fully understand what they are feeling, or be able to acknowledge that they are finding the transition difficult. Often, they understand the attitude that we want to see from them. They can mimic that attitude, saying things such as,’ The new school will be exciting,” or ‘I know that I will make new friends’.

This might mean that when you talk to them, rather than talking about the difficulty of the change, they will throw all their big feeling into unrelated situations. The fact that they got the red cup rather than the blue suddenly becomes a huge issue. For this reason, it is important to keep an eye out for changes in behaviour.

How to help you child cope with change

Unfortunately, you cannot make change painless for your child. However much we want to help, adapting and coping with change and transition is something your child has to learn through experience. There are things that you can do, however, to support your child through this process.

Give them something that they can control.

Although you can not give them full control of most situations, offering them a little bit of control can help them feel involved and connected to what is going on.

If they are changing schools, this might mean letting them choose what packed lunches they would like, or choose a new backpack.

If they are moving home, perhaps give them a corner of the new space that they can choose an ornament for or help decorate.

Make the unfamiliar familiar.

A lot of the difficulty that children face will be the fear of the unknown. This is understandable. If you were to start a new job, you would likely be nervous and unsure of what to expect. The difference is that as an adult, you will have a frame of reference and enough experience to be able to predict some of the variables. Although every workplace has a different culture, you likely understand enough of the overriding social rules to know how to behave and how to navigate your first few days.

Children, especially young children, have a lot less life experience. Therefore, the unfamiliar can be more daunting, as they are much less idea what to expect. They may feel unsure of what will be asked of them or how they are meant to behave.

Therefore, anything you can do to help them understand their new enviroment can help. Pin up photos of new houses, or new classrooms. Let them help you research on the internet to find out extra information about what they will face. As you shed a little light on what is to come, it can help ease their anxieties.

Maintain usual routines

Routines may seem drab and boring, but they can provide a sense of comfort and stability to children. When children have pockets of routine in their day, they are more in control of their days, even if the routines are set for them.

As well as being comforting, routines can help children to regulate themselves physically. Often eating and sleeping can be difficult when children are anxious. A solid routine can support digestion and rest.

Make time for fun

A little distraction during stressful times can go a long way towards helping children relax. It is not uncommon for children to overthink changes, and work themselves into an anxious state worrying about what might happen.

Make time for fun activities, which will take their minds off their worries.

If possible choose activities that are physical. As your child moves their body, the chemicals in the brain can change. Physical movement boosts the production of hormones like serotonin which can help your child feel calmer.

Talk about what is happening

Although distraction can be a great tool, offering your child the chance to talk about what they are struggling with can also help.

Many times, they will have specific worries that you will be able to talk through and support them with. It may not be obvious to even your child what they are worrying about initially. Often, if you sit children down to have an intentional chat, they will struggle to open up. Instead, bring up the change occasionally as you cook together or walk to school.

Make sure that they have room to talk about it if they need to. By talking through different aspects of what is coming, they will be able to work out for themselves what they are most nervous about. Then, you and your child can face that fear together.

Try guided meditation

You can find many guided meditations online for children. Guided meditations are a great way to calm down your child’s busy mind and help them to self-regulate.

Studies have shown that meditation has a significant impact in promoting good mental health in children. For children who struggle to sit still, yoga can be a great active alternative.

Final note

Change is hard for grown-ups and children alike. Coping with change will not be easy for your child. As they do, however, they will learn to adapt.

I wish you all the peace,

Hannah Louise

References

Works Cited

“How Can I Help My Child Cope with Change?” Support for Parents from Action for Children, parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/feelings-behaviour/talking-about-feelings/help-child-cope-with-change/.

Ratey, John J. “Can Exercise Help Treat Anxiety?” Harvard Health Blog, Harvard Health Publishing, 24 Oct. 2019, www.health.harvard.edu/blog/can-exercise-help-treat-anxiety-2019102418096.

Walton, Alice G. “Science Shows Meditation Benefits Children’s Brains and Behavior.” Forbes, www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2016/10/18/the-many-benefits-of-meditation-for-children/.

Young Minds. “Transitions, Change & Mental Health | Parents Guide.” YoungMinds, 2021, www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/transitions-and-times-of-change/.