The Joy of Parenting- Finding the Sunshine in the Storm

The joy of parenting is difficult to speak about without at least a little sarcasm. Blow out diapers on the way out the door, meltdowns in supermarkets, and a constant sense of self-doubt and guilt as you try to love and raise your little ball of crazy. Who could miss the joy, right?

Parenting is hard. It is messy, frustrating, and sometimes both physically and emotionally draining. Of course, there are good moments, not only when the children finally nap.

Watching your little one grow and explore the world, and standing by them as they learn who they are, is incredible. Often, however, the moments of joy are lost in the chaos that parenting also brings.

What is joy?

To understand the joy of parenting, we must explore what joy is.

Joy is often used as another word for happiness. This is one correct definition, but it is not the only definition.

The word joy derives from the French word “gaudia.” This translates as “to rejoice.” The root word, therefore, is a verb rather than a noun. I am not referencing grammar to bore you. The difference between a noun and a verb is important here. If we see joy as a noun, it is a thing. It is either there or not. If we see it as a verb, it can be something more. It becomes an action. It is now a choice. The verb joy is an internal attitude rather than an external circumstance.

Does joyful parenting mean that I have to be happy all the time?

Although joy is indeed an attitude, please don’t think I am telling you to be happy all the time. You will feel a lot of things at 3 am when your baby wakes up, and won’t go back to sleep. It is okay that happiness is not one of those things. No one expects you to celebrate when your toddler throws his dinner on the floor or refuses to put on his pants.

You will feel a spectrum of emotions as you pass through days of parenting. It is okay to have negative emotions. We will all be angry, frustrated and unsure at times. The Scientific American journal suggests that negative emotions are actually important for our well-being and mental health.

Can you be Joyful when you aren’t happy?

It is possible to be joyful but not happy. The ability to not be consumed by one emotion, and therefore make room for hope, optimism, connection, and all those other things that surround joy, is indicative of emotional maturity. Another way to describe this is emotional resilience.

Emotional resilience

Emotional resilience is a huge part of mental health. It is the ability to keep going and hold it together when it feels like everything is falling apart. Emotionally resilient people are able to appreciate the good, whilst still struggling with the negative.

It is worth noting that emotional resilience is easier to maintain when you are well-connected to positive and supportive people.

Emotional resilience can enable us to maintain joy, through the good days and the bad.

How to parent with joy

So, if joy is a choice, how do we choose it?

Make choices that increase your emotional resilience

As we just discussed, emotional resilience can make it easier to choose joy, as you stand against the waves of emotions that want to carry you away. There are a lot of ways to increase your emotional resilience. Building strong and healthy relationships with other mums, eating well, sleeping and taking time to meditate all have positive effects on your emotional resilience.

Prioritise Positivity

Research has been conducted on the benefits of positive thinking. A positive attitude has been linked with better mental and physical health.

As well as having health benefits, positivity can grow into joy. As you notice your strengths and opportunities rather than flaws and limitations, you will find more reasons to rejoice.

Remember, that this too shall pass

Sometimes it feels like certain struggles will never end, but remember, this too shall pass. The toddler tantrums won’t last forever, potty training will finish one day, and by the time your child is a teen, they will probably sleep through the night. Whatever you are going through, chances are that you will make it out the other end. Maybe you will come out bruised and a little shaken, but alive and ready to face the next challenge.

Slow down and simplify

In this age, many people feel judged by how much they do. And there is so much that could be done. School PTAs to volunteer for, family events, community events, Pinterest projects, scrapbooks, baking and if you have a daughter, intricate hairstyles to try.

Some of this can be fun. With fun and joy closely aligned, it may seem a good idea to say “yes” more. Check in with yourself, though. If you are already feeling stretched thin, remember that there is no shame in saying “no”. You are no less if you do less.

Surround yourself with joyful people

Theoretically, you will end up like the five people that you spend the most time with. Therefore, choose people are joyful, kind and will celebrate your successes with you and stand by you during your low times.

If your friends tear each other down and compete against each other, chances are they won’t be a positive influence in your life.

Accept what you can’t control

Life is not fair. It is an unpopular fact, but a fact. Some unfair things are also completely out of our control. When these cross your path, it is tempting to get angry and frustrated. In these times, remember to focus on the things that you can control.

It is impossible to be joyful in a reality that you refuse to accept.

Teaching your children joy

Often, children are naturally joyful. They can find fun in the least likely places, and explore the world with a sense of adventure and awe.

There are times, however, when they get bored, tired or overwhelmed. Should you teach them joy? If so how?

Although teaching your child joy may benefit them, it should be done with caution. Sure, you want to teach your little ones how to be okay and how to find good in whatever they face. This needs to be balanced with an acknowledgement of what they are feeling at the time. Don’t ever make your child feel ashamed of being sad, angry, scared, worried or any other unpleasant thing they may be feeling.

Rather than demanding that they have a positive attitude, try modelling one. You can say things like, “I know that it’s frustrating, the party was rained off. Shall we go and play in puddles instead? ” Or, “This is a rough week, what can we do that will make us feel better?”

Keep your eyes open, and point out things that are beautiful or worth your child’s wonder. If you walk through the woods looking for creepy crawlies, birds and pretty plants, your child is likely to do the same.

Games and challenges are a great way to bring joy into boring moments. Whilst waiting for a bus, find silly games to play. If your child is fussing to change, make it a race between them changing and you washing the pots.

A final note

No one is genuinely joyful all the time. That is okay. Sometimes we are just trying to survive.

Whatever you are walking through, however, try and take the time to look around you. Find something to smile about.

Parenting is not easy. so the more joy that you can scavenge along the way, the better. Joy can bring a little sunshine to the wildest storm.

I wish you all the peace!

Hannah Louise